I Am Scared

Will Jim come back to me healthy?

I saw him again Sunday afternoon, and he continued to be chipper. He ate well when they served him dinner. He's got that old-man-laying-in-the-bed-with-high-cheekbones-and-open-mouth look that scares me. His eyes light up when he sees me and he calls me the love of his life, which comforts me. I want to climb into the bed with him, but all the tubes going into his various places prevent that (and I don't know how to drop the rails on the bed).

Are there any places where hospitals understand that there is a need for physical closeness between husband and wife when one is sick? Jim and I both would feel better if I could lay next to him and hold him. When I feel better he feels better. When he feels better I feel better. It feeds on itself.

I am scared.

I've never been scared for myself with the cancer, but I am scared for Jim.

I have to get up in less than 2 hours to go to radiation. I need to go to bed to sleep.