Losing my Mind

and worried about my health.

Dr. Susan Love says that every woman has cancer cells in her breasts. Usually the precancerous In Situ stuff. Usually aggressive breast cancer gets "turned on" by stress. I truly believe that's what happened to me in the summer of 2005 when Max became diabetic and I put my heart and soul into treating him.

Because of that I have wanted to try to stay stress reduced. My GP has me on all sorts of antidepressants and anxiety meds, and I try to get as much rest as I can. I don't do well with the eating thing, but that'always been me.

Jim is testing my stress level. We have been fighting for 3 days. We have had visits from the Hospice Chaplain and Social Worker, and he has said some of the nastiest things about how I abandon him to go talk with my "cat friends," don't do anything he needs, just want to shuttle him off like cattle to Day Care so that I can get drunk all day. I can hardly wait for all my boyfriends to come into the conversation.

I am trying to get him set up with Day Care 2x week (Tuesday/Thursday) from 9-3, with Paratransit taking him both ways. I will ride down with him his first day and bring a taxi back. On Monday, Wednesday, Friday, as available, Liza will take him for his UV treatments and return him home, except on Friday when he will go from 12-4 to the Day Care and come home by Paratransit.

He will have a Hospice aide from 7am to 8:30 am every weekday. Whether he uses her or not, she will be responsible for making sure he gets up, his bed is made, his living space cleaned up, he gets breakfast, and the breakfast dishes are cleaned up.

I will take him to any other DR appointments and to UV treatments on the days Liza can't make it.

This schedule starts next week (except the aide starts today). Today I have to take him out for a blood draw, and he will go with me to PT. Friday, UV treatment and my PT, and later in the day a visit from the Hospice nurse.

I spent much of Tuesday and some of Wednesday trying to pay his bills and arrange his papers. I'm not doing it the way he would do it, so he keeps jumbling them back up and I have to rearrange again.

SIGH!!