CT Scan OK

The CT scan of my lung shows no cancer. "Crappy lungs," says my onc; lots of necrotic tissue from years of smoking. Also, a small area of scarring on the top of my right lung from radiation burn.

I still feel like shit, but that's for the endochronologist to try to resolve. I am starting to think maybe the psychiatrist went too low on the antidepressants, because my symptoms (fatigue and muscle aches and pains) can be symptoms of depression. I see the psych next week.

Medical insurance denied my claim for dental adjunctive care. I am appealing. My onc dictated a "to whom it may concern" letter yesterday. The more I read about dental disease as a result of chemo, the more I wish I had been better warned in advance and taken more steps to present it. There I go, doing the "if wishes were horses" thing again.

Ennis had a dental cleaning on Monday. He was so funny when he came home. Starving, but unable to stand to eat. I should have taken a video of him.

I am reading a book about recovering from loss. The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses by John James and Russell Friedman.

Today, I start "working" the handbook with a friend of mine who lost both her parents recently. My issue is the loss of my health.

I've read through the first few chapters, which focus on the inappropriate behaviors we have learned from childhood to deal with grief. The six pieces of misinformation the authors offer that they were taught to deal with loss are:

1. Don't feel bad.
2. Replace the loss.
3. Grieve alone.
4. Just give it time.
5. Be strong for others.
6. Keep busy.

Obviously, the authors believe those "bits of wisdom" are bullshit and should be replaced with other behaviors to appropriately grieve and move past loss in a healthy way.

I'm on the chapter that talks about how others are ill prepared to help us deal with loss. They don't know what to say; they are afraid of our feelings; they try to change the subject; they intellectualize ("he's in a better place," "she led a full life"); they don't hear us (they react to the situation, not the emotion); they don't want to talk about death.........

I'll let you know how our effort goes.