I am exhausted!!

Here's that misssing post. I wrote it May 16, 2007. It was in my draft box, so it may be a little sloppy.

This has been and will continue to be the week from Hell. Next week promises to be the same all over again.

Yesterday, I took Ennis to the vet for his little poisoning event last Friday. Blood was "clean," so no permanent damage done. Follow-up in 3 months. That little poisoning event costs me $200 I didn't really have to spend.

Today, the new PT for the 3rd time. Did the anodyne (laser light treatment) on both feet and hands, hand massage, finger exercises, used a vibrator on fingers and feet, stand-in-place balance exercises, and 6 minutes on the bicycle. And while I was waiting for her I did some of my arm range of motion exercises.

Know how you legs get wobbly after a long slow run. Well, I ceratinly didn't need more wobbly.

Then off to the thoracic surgeon, but not right away. There was a 2-hour break between appts. Heading over to a shopping center, picked up some cat food, checked out the food choices (got a bowl of soup and bread), and then visited a kitchen store. Bought some of those forms you can use to make perfectly round eggs.

Still got to the cancer center an hour before my appt. Got my CT scan in the X-Ray dept, but couldn't fill out the paperwork. They filled it out for me and I only had to sign it. More paperwork for the surgeon. I hadn't brought an updated list of meds. My brain and fingers did not want to coorperate, so I only put in the minimum.

Surgeon said the CT scan looked good. Only a very small shadow where the "unknown item" had been last summer. But he agreed to sign me up for another CT scan in 6 months. I think it might just be this DR. He is so very easy on the eyes, and has such a positive attitude.

Tomorrow, another long haul to a prosthetic store. Friday, only PT again.

Next week, GI DR for Jim and me, intake with a neurologist, and PT 3x.

Today's Appointments

Psychotherapist. I don't feel that she is very helpful to me at this stage. And the eye rolling and head nodding really drive me nuts. I was really hoping the psychiatric center would work for me, but as you'll read later, it won't.

Physical therapy. Ouch ouch, and really antsy sitting there in a chair with my feet on an ottoman and wrapped with the laser light treatment pads on my feet for what they said was going to be 20 minutes but felt like 45. The toes on my right foot started cramping. Some hand and foot massage. Then balance exercises. (The PT did not do the laser light treatments on my hands because she said she wanted to call the manufacturer about lymphedema risk.)

I desperately need balance. I fell again last night, stooping to get ssomething from the bottom shelf of the pantry. Down on my butt. Had to call Jim for help getting up, and he put me, and Ennis, straight to bed. UGH, I was in the middle of fixing dinner, and Jim had to go without.

The Rockford Center. They only do inpatient and day treatments. The intake counselor (Bob, no last name on the name tag) suggested day treatments, but it's 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, for up to 6 weeks. There is no way I can do that! Bob couldn't "recommend" a private psychiatrist for me, but he did give me a list of those in the area. He also said I would continue to need to use a psychotherapist for talk counseling. Bob said psychiatrists around here only do medical management.

I was googling for psychiatrists using search terms Delaware, psychistrist, and cancer, and found one not too far from me who in 2004 testified in a hearing about this state's high cancer rate in from of the state senate. He mother was a cancer victim (don't know what kind of cancer). I will give her office a call tomorrow.

If she can't take me, maybe she can suggest other psychiatrists, and maybe even a "talk" counselor, whether a psychotherapist or a social worker, that specializes with cancer patients.

Have to go. The pizza's here. Too exhausted from the day to cook. It takes alot of concentration to drive that far and have that many appts in one day. I should know better.

BTW, Ennis goes to the vet tomorrow, to check his kidney functions after the overdose. I thoroughly cleaned my office today, and could not find any of the missing capsules. So it looks like he scarfed 600mg of Neurontin and a Prevacid. Asshole!!

Not Looking Forward to Today

Psychotherapy at 10.

Physical therapy at 12.

Psychiatric intake interview at 2.

And these are an hour or more away from home. I have to start google mapping to find how to get from one to another.

Take care, all.

My GP appt

Saw her this AM.

She's on board with my SSDI claim, and agreed that specialists are more effective than family practitioners. She agreed to make the referral to the neurologist, and agreed I should seek treatment through the Rockford Center to a psychiatrist. She also upped the dosage of my anti-depressant, saying that a few days upped dosage before the mental health assessment might give them something more to deal with.

She said Dr. Chemo, who has never called me back, might not get on board because he has lots of patients with breast cancer who do not fall apart, so maybe he doesn't think my situation is legit. (WTF????) But GP said I had situations (like the failed implant and my sick husband) that many breat cancer survivors do not have to deal with.

I cancelled my new PT for today. I just cannot drive myself an hour away and back. Too much.

If looks could kill, Jim would be dead right now. He gave me grief about "not being sincere about the PT." He didn't offer to drive me.

Edited: Give me a break! After Jim left the house, I went to bed for a 4-hour nap. Big time bummed out about Deb losing Giz. And my calves hurt. I think from the balance tests the new PT did on Wednesday.

Today's appointments

Jim had his GP DR this morning. GP said Jim's blood tests were "stellar." We didn't ask for a copy of the tests; we are suppposed to get them directly from the lab but that hardly ever happens.

Jim really wants prednisone for the arthritis in his knees. GP said no; nothing oral and suggested something topical that it looks like I can only get on-line. So a little Hocks shopping tonight. He will re-ask the GI DR when he sees him in 2 weeks.

SSDI application. We didn't have to wait too long after my appointed time. I was so nervous; I went through 1.5 bottles of water. The intake woman said it was the most complete and organized application that she had seen.

It's a little complicated being self-employed (and not keeping real good time sheets after starting the surgeries), getting her to agree to my statement about the last day I did any "substantial work." But she finally did, and hopefully the state determining agency will also. I have to do no substantial work until September this year to qualify for any retroactive benefits. But then, I probably won't know until after that whether I got approved on the 1st application.

Because I had documented pretty well, it only took about an hour. Gave us time for lunch before my intake for neuropathy therapy.

PT found that I have sensation in my arms, hands, fingers, legs, feet, and toes. The test? Touching me with a hard plastic "pricker." We then did some balance testing. She said I was having balance problems. No shit, Sherlock. I had shown her my arm bruise from falling last week.

She also counseling me on the normal things I get nagged about--taking my pills, eating, lowered alcohol consumption. She said all of those things can affect the neuropathy.

So we are going to try the Anodyne treatment for six sessions (3x/week) and give me hand, feet, and balance exercises. Also some leg strengthening exercises. I start that Friday.

Tomorrow is my every 4 month PAP smear. Joy! But the last once was negative for abnormal cells, so if this one is too, I only have one more 4 month PAP before I can go back to annual.

Friday is my GP. She is seeing me every 4-6 weeks now because of my depression. I have quite the list of things to talk about. The SSDI application, where I listed her as the lead doctor in knowing my symptoms and treatments. Wanting a referral to a neurologist, although I am starting to waiver on this because the PT today said a neurologist would not do much more in the way of testing than she did today and would have nothing in her/his medicine bag that I'm not already on. Wanting a referral to a psychiatrist. My psychotherapist is OK, but it would be nice to have an MD doing the counseling because the s/he also could manage my stress/anxiety/anti-depression meds. My GP seems slightly an amateur in that area.

Then Monday, the psychotherapy resident.

I so want all these appointments to stop. I want to go out and garden.

Today Sucked

I got up extra early because I had the appt for a CT scan and the thoracic surgeon. They called about 15 minutes before I left (it's a long drive) to tell me it was off because the DR had been called to emergency surgery. So I had to morning to continue working on other stuff, like my SSDI application. I had shot Ennis early and low at +10 because I thought I was going to be out past +12.

Around noon, I realized that I was just flat-ass worn out. I had a 3pm new PT appt somewhere far away that I had no idea where it was. Sure, yes, I google mapped it. I called them to cancel. The lady said she understood; that often happens with their clients. This place specializes in PT for women with breast and GYN cancers.

Tomorrow. Jim's family DR in the AM, SSDI application right after lunch, and now my intake with the new PT late in the afternoon.

Just thinking about this wears me out.

PS. Blogger has "switched" everyone over to the new version. It presents the opportunity to label posts with topics. This is the first one I am going to try this on. I have no clue what this is going to do or how it is going to work. Bear with me.