Wednesday, December 06, 2006

We Are Settling into a Routine--an Unpleasant One

Jim gets very regular feeding, toileting, and cleaning up.

I get nothing else done.

This is a full-time+ job.

Jim is getting more and more dependent. Jim won't even take the throw off his lap when it's time to get up to the bathroom. SIGH.

I know he doesn't have the mental capacity to understand what is really going on right now, and that I shouldn't get angry when he seems (what in a normal person would seem) lazy or using. But sometimes I do. Last night, during the third situation of him not taking the throw off in the course of 4 hours, I told him I wouldn't be able to take him to the bathroom until he took the throw off. He made a sincere but unsuccessful attempt. I picked the throw up and threw it on the floor. He looked like a punished child. I felt like crap. The only thing holding us together was knowing that Patrick would be here in another 1.5 hours. Jim insisted on staying up for Patrick to take him to bed. And after Jim was in bed, he asked Patrick to come get me so he could kiss me goodnight. I was crushed.

Bless Patrick. Unfortunately, he is not available again until Sunday. We will get a substitute on Friday, a woman named Bimpy, and I could swear that is a name we know from one of the hospitals he was in.

I guess I am getting into a pity party because I am getting a head cold (yes I take Vitamin C) and developing a radiation burn in my armpit and some broken, bleeding skin on my upper chest. I have been using Aloe for a couple of days and will call the radiation oncologist today for a prescription cream Robin suggested.

Well, the more I write here, the less I otherwise get done at my desk.

Bless you all.

1 comment:

Alice said...

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am glad you have some help on some nights. Sending lots of love your way.