"You know....

...you're not going to get better before you get a whole lot worse."

Jim's GP's statement, as he was leading into a discussion yesterday about us calling in Hospice.

What a flaming asshole. Jim and I were both shocked. What bedside manner this fellow has. We explained to him our plan: we have interviewed 2 hospices; we want PT as much as possible for quality of life, and when Jim's PT David cuts him off, then we will consider our options; and we have private-duty Patrick (or "not Patrick," as Deb calls the substitute we will have tonight) three nights a week.

Jim has been doing really great the last couple of days. Yes we have those standing up, low blood pressure, fainting episodes--but for the most part he is chipper and energetic. Not so energetic that he goes out to get the firewood, but enough that he asks for a fire.

What a sense of humor he has when he is feeling better. We have been joking around alot.

Today I had PT David leave Jim upstairs at the end of his workout. I put Jim into the shower for the first time here. Wow, he needed it. He complained about the cold, so we need to work out something besides the ceiling heat lamp and the hot water to keep him warm.

I still haven't been able to get prescription cream for my radiation burn. It's been a delay with not in stock, no longer being maufactured, call the DR back for another cream, not in stock. The pharmacy promised something tomorrow. NOT delivered, of course--no delivery on the weekends.

It's like every little thing takes so much effort.

I thought about my wrecked car this afternoon and called the auto body shop for the estimate. (Took it in on Monday.) Oh, yes, sure, you want a copy?--we'll put it in the mail. Called the insurance company (my side of the claim) and they didn't know whether the other side (same insurance company) had accepted liability. Called the other side--didn't we talk about this (me: no), she's accepted liability and I have reserved a rental car for you, and by the way, how are your injuries? (I'm fine.)

I talked today with a woman from the company for which I write and update publications. Busy season coming up. I just have no clue how I might be able to do the products I have been updating for the past, what, 8 years. And there's the new publication I was writing that went on hold almost a year ago. She understands, and says that my position with the company appears secure in the long term. She asked about my finances, which of course are dismal.

My full time job right now is taking care of Jim. And he doesn't pay very well. He seldom says thank you, but he keeps the other side of the bed warm.

Today I agreed to $600 of repairs to my garage door opening system. One roller kept going off track, and I was getting tired of climbing up a ladder to fix it. That operational fix would have been only $250, but the fellow also discussed the safety issue of the very very old springs that lift the door. I've known the springs were not safe; I had them cabled when I moved into the house. I agreed to some sort of replacement system that I know nothing about.