Monday, September 04, 2006

I Feel So Sad Right Now (by V)


Could it be because Jim's on his ~9th day in the hospital for liver failure and when the DRs tonight told him he was not medically stable enough to go to a transitional facility, he started tearing up? (He tried to explain to the DRs that he would get rehab there, and he would be able to sit outside there. God, that broke my heart.)

Could it be because my DRs are transitioning me from Paxil to Effexor and I'm either still in the "not quite there yet" phase, or the Effexor doesn't work for me as well as the Paxil did?

Could it be because I have another CT scan and visit with the thoracic surgeon tomorrow to follow up on possible lung cancer, and I'm scared that the surgeon may change his mind that the spot in my lung isn't cancer?

Could it be because if the thoracic surgeon doesn't want to biopsy my lung, I will be having the breast surgeon take my left breast off on Friday?

Could it be because my right breast expander implant seems to have failed and is deflating, and hurts to boot?

Could it be because of most or all of these things....and because Jim isn't around right now to hold me while I am so scared and hurting? (I do miss him so much.)

~~V

2 comments:

Alice said...

I think it's all the things. And Jim isn't there to hold you. I am sending cyber hugs to you right now. Just think of me giving you a great big hug. And sometimes life really does suck big time. Hold on, you will get through this.

Alice

Annie said...

Via, It's all of it. You are carrying a heavy load right now. This will pass in time, and there will be brighter, happier days ahead. Hold on to that hope.

Love, Annie