Monday, September 04, 2006

Ms. Giz!!

Darlin Gizmo. Mom's kind of freaking out right now, missing Poppy (the fat man, who BTW I don't like because he gets between Mom and me), talking to herself about whether she should go out to Wawa for a pack of cigarettes, so I have a chance finally to get back to you.

Ms. Giz, you are Greta Garbo. I am Audrey Hepburn. I am petite, oui, and I also am often silent. I usually let my body do the talking. Sure, there are times I whine at Mom to let me into the dry food room, or chit chat with Poppy, who does talk back to me. But I don't think I can "vocalize displeasure." I communicate mostly with my butt and tail, telling my people how pretty I am and that they can come pet me now. I don't talk, with voice or body, to the boys.

We may just be too different in how we go about these thing, dearest Giz. Can you think in Ms. Hepburn terms and come back with some new ideas? I thought I had Lesson 1 down, but last night grumpy Max ran me off the bed. (Asshole.)

Love you, darlin Giz.

Lily Belle

5 comments:

julie said...

just catching up on things...I hope all goes well today V..sending lots of hugs and prayers..give my love to JIm!!!

Alice said...

I am sending great bigs headbutts and hugs.And yes sometimes mom,dad and the other furries are pains in the ass. But overall we do have one hell of a good life.

Tabby

DebandGiz said...

Lily!

I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you! Truth be told, mommy had sort of a meltdown Saturday night (of epic proportions, but please don't tell her I said that...), and I've had to take care of her! That's kind of Lesson 3, little girl, Taking Care Of Our Parents When They Need Us To -- Even Though We're Used To It Being The Other Way Around... But somehow I don't think you need that lesson... Think you're pretty good at it already!

Okay, let's recap what you feel failed with Lesson 1 -- 'Tude...

The next time Max runs you off the bed, pretend that's exactly what you wanted him to do! Can we spell deflation? Pretending is very helpful in achieving 'Tude! It also helps in achieving confusion which is a direct result of 'Tude...

Hmmm... How can I explain this better...

He leaps at you and you're startled, right? Startled is much better than scared, Lily... Okay, work being startled! Be overly startled! And leap off the bed! But then, take a brief look back at him and smile, before continuing on your way... Trust me, a smile goes a long way... It often adds volumes to confusion... Confusion is our friend... Got it?


Okay, Lesson 2 -- Vocalizing Our Displeasure...

Body language also speaks volumes! Told you before, little girlfriend, size is apparently only important to guys...

A tail flick can be deafening! Audrey Hepburn could reduce men to mush and she was what, a size 1 -- on a water weight day? Come on, Lily, use what you've got! You've got pretty, and cute, and sweet (but not extra sweet because you don't want to go there...), and Lily-ness! Use them! Sometimes whispering drives them crazy... Sometimes saying nothing drives them to the brink of guyness...

Don't try to be Greta, Lily... Just be who you are, okay? Who you are is wondrous! Incredible! Awesome! Who you are is Lily!!!

Just for the record, not every cat can be Cujo... Then again, not every cat has to... Be you, Lily Belle! Be proud! Take no poop! (you know I really said something else, don't you...)

Obviously I'm feeling better, therefore so is mommy, kind of... Well, at least she turned on the miniMac tonight... Baby steps, Lily, are sometimes what we need to take... Eventually, they grow into long, confident strides... Your petite pawsteps will gain confidence, Lily... And Max and Ennis won't know what hit them! But don't tell them I said that okay?

Now go flick your tail and give your mommy some tiny little pawpats on her cheek for me, okay? And save some for Jim when he comes home, okay?

Headbutts, pawpats, and girlie purrs,
Your friend,
Gizmo
xx oo

PS: Hope you don't mind, but I'm going to say hey to the guys now...

DebandGiz said...

Yo Max and, of course, you too, Ennis!

Hi!

Haven't been logged on to our special little place for a few days and just wanted to check in... A little bird (who shall remain nameless...) said you appear to be a bit grumpy lately, sweet Max... What's up with that? Are you okay, sweet buddy?

Mommy's been cramming pills down my throat twice a day (GAG!!! YUCK!!! GAG!!!) for my intestinal infection, but the good news is because she feels so bad (read guilty...) doing so, she hasn't stabbed me with the big gushing needle for over a week! Okay, so she feels a little guilty about that, but, quite frankly, I've got my paws full working the gagging to make sure I get extra treats...

Don't tell her I said so, but I'm feeling much better! So much better I don't know why she told me "only five more wake-ups, Doodles" when I spit that friggin little pill out on her three times tonight! Must be feeling better, as spitting it out three times in a row is a new record! Although, she still has most of her 10 fingers left... Do you think I'm losing my touch? Hmmm...

Anyway, I'm back so you can tell me why you're grumpy, Max, okay? Hell, you can tell me just about anything... But, remember, I'm a girl...

Headbutts, pawpats, and purrs,
Your friend,
Gizmo
xx oo

PS: You're both taking extra good care of your mom, aren't you? It's extra important right now because she's worried about lots of things... So you guys be strong and be there for her, okay? And Jim too, okay? Sometimes our parents need us to take care of them and I'm counting on you both to help your folks! And help Lily help them too by not being, well, you know, guys all the time... Maybe you could cut her some slack is all... Capice?

Venita and Jim said...

Hi Giz, It's me Lily, whispering so the boys don't know.

It's OK that you haven't been here. We've been pretty busy here ourselves. Sounds like you must be sick for your Mommy to have such a meltdown. What wrong with you, sweet Giz?

I know I need a 'tude with Max. Ennis doesn't bother me. He will come over, threaten me, and then start grooming me. Bailey, the recent dead guy, was such a woos, and I could scare the crap outta him even though he was twice my size when he was up to snuff.

It's just that Max hates me because he thinks there should only be one cat that has Mom as their person, and he thinks it should be him. He's such a puppy dog, follows Mom all over the house. Mom is my person; always has been, but I only hang out with her when I want attention or for naps and night sleeping. That's when Max attacks me. He wants to be on the side of the bed that Mom is facing. When she rolls over to face my direction, Max moves over to take my spot!

But I'll try the "that's what I wanted look," although that might be a little tough at 3AM. Or maybe I'll talk to Mom about not rolling over. I don't mind sleeping next to the back of her head, even though Max always want to sleep next to her face.

Ms. Giz, sounds like you need to go give some pawpats to your Mommy. I give my Mom long, lingering face rubs with my face. Give your Mommy one of those for me.

Your friend back,
Lily Belle