Thursday 3PM

Today is Jim's 66th birthday. Happy birthday sweetie!!

Forgot to test and shoot Ennis this morning. Life spinning out of control. He was still pretty low at 2pm and didn't require any "big guns."

3rd radiation treatment this morning. Skin's starting to get dried out.

Then off for CT scan of belly. Spent most of the morning on my back under or in X-Ray machines.

Jim's pretty spiritless right now. He was only barely conscious during most of my visit. He now knows how sick he is and says he's tired of feeling this way. Said he wants to give up. Saw the GI DR, who came in, looked at Jim, shook his head, said that he has known these things to turn around very suddenly, listened to Jim's heart and belly, and squeezed my shoulder several times on the way out.

Jim's head MRI showed nothing acute happening. The report was not yet back on his belly MRI. When I saw the hemotologist/oncologist yesterday, he said he has no suspicions of cancer being part of the picture here.

I'll be heading back for the 4:30 to 6:30 vigil.

Damn, I'm going to miss Jim if he goes. It has taken so much time and effort on both our parts to get to the point of caring and trust that we are right now. Please, Jim, don't go.

Spent some time this afternoon on Jim's obituary. I don't want the standard data packed boring writeup. I want something that describes his soul and spirit. Who the heck cares what his parents' names were or that he has a brother living in GA? Those people are not part of the Jim that I have known for 18 years.

The hospice guy yesterday was very nice. It's just so hard to get my head into the place it needs to be to sign Jim up for hospice.