Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Now I've Lost my Eyeglasses

Jim and I searched all over for them this morning. Nowhere in sight (but then I have no sight without my glasses).

Thank goodness the old/spare pair that I keep in the car work reasonably well.

Jim and I went out yesterday for a "trash lunch" (cheesesteaks--completely not allowed on his diet), and took them to his "drinking club" so he could see his buddies. Jim only drinks cranberry juice at the club these days.

Today, he has a 10am with his GP, who he sees monthly, and maybe an appt with a realtor to talk about putting his condo on the market. He knows he cannot do the 14 steps that it would take to get up to his bedroom/full bathroom.

Max continues to hold on. He has such a thirst, that I keep water bowls around everywhere. He's moving mighty slowly. And his belly is getting bigger, telling me that either the tumor is growing larger or he has internal bleeding. His ears, nose, toes, and gums still look pink, so I suspect the former. I'm not sure what "comfort" measures to do about that. I'll call the vet to see if there are choices. He also continues to be very difficult to "pill."

As for me, I saw the counselor on Monday. This is going to be a process because all I could do the full hour way cry about my woes: inattentive to Jim, Max's illness, my depression. I did make a handwritten list of the chaos/clutter areas in my life, and she agreed that I needed to subdivide them into manageable "chunks." For example, I can't just write "clean the garage." I have to subdivide it into "deal with the cardboard boxes," "deal with the styrofoam packing," "deal with the planting containers," etc.

She thought me planning the Longwood Gardens trip was great. Someplace to direct my energy. And she loves the support I get from the FDMB.

This counselor is such a baby. She's got to be in her 20s. I asked her what she does on the days she isn't doing counseling at the Cancer Center. She teaches at the University of Delaware. Where was my head; of course that is what PhD candidates do.

I really would prefer someone older and closer than Dr. Emotion. But she has hands on experience with cancer "victims" two days a week. I asked her whether I was unique in the pit I am in right now. She said I was, a little, although many cancer patients have coping issues. But she said the extra load of Jim, the change in our living arrangements, and my sick cats puts me right down there in the bottom of the pit.

I showed her Kris's video of Max. I told her I had moved my medications to my desk, where I spend most of my time, so that I could better remember to take them. We talked about things Jim could do around the house to help ME a little more. But she also agreed that, in many cases, men are men (that is, the center of the universe).

Not sure what more to say. I just wish the cats wouldn't wake me every night around 3am for food. Once I get up, I'm up, and I do really need to rest.

1 comment:

Alice said...

Sorry things suck so bad right now. Can you shut your bedroom door at night so the cats don't wake you up. I will be there Thursday. I wish it didn't take so darn long to drive there.

XOXOXOX
Alice