Tuesday, March 07, 2006

It Really Sucks (by Venita)

It really sucks that:

I did everything I was told to protect myself from advanced breast cancer.

I went to the GYN/mammo/US as soon as I found the mass, and I was sent home with “come see us again in 4 months.”

My cats know I’m not well so they want to get in my face 24/7. (It's not all food love.)

I have 10 more days to go before the mast, and 10 days after that before I get the path results.

There’s a good chance that my prime client contract of the past 8 years is going to cut me loose because I can’t meet the schedule for their spring products. (This when I have recently turned down 2 other offers of work because I wanted to focus on their needs.)

Gasoline prices are so high and I have to travel 40 minutes each way to DR appointments, surgeries, and procedures.

Maxie was DX with diabetes last summer and I put such energy into getting him better and I now have few reserves left for myself.

My right ankle is swollen and I’m starting to freak that my right axillary lymph nodes are not working.

I am having panic and anxiety attacks--not sleeping, not eating, and having stomach pains and all the tail end stuff that comes with that--and it took Dr. Cutter over 24 hours to phone in a scrip.

I broke down crying in public this afternoon when I was out with Jim.

I still am crying as I write this, even though I always try to be so positive here.

~V

5 comments:

Fairydragonfly said...

Venita,

I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks as well. I'm taking effexor to help me deal with stress and anxiet, and seroquel to help calm me down enough to sleep at night.

Sometimes, it is okay to breakdown. To release all that pent up sadness, frustration and longing. Sometimes, it is okay to turn to others for support. I'm sure Maxwell would be more than happy to return all the care you have given him.

Cats are funny that way.

Most importantly, you have us. I may be online and we've never met but I feel as though I've known you forever.

You have the support of the world behind you.

Hugs,
Nem's mom

Heather_Mr.Tubs said...

Venita,
When my mom was DX with uterine cancer, the Dr gave her a script for Xanax. If I understand it correctly, it has more of an immediate effect as opposed to a drug like Zoloft. She took it as needed. I was on Zoloft for many years for anxiety and depression and it took abotu 2 months before it was in my system and then the base dose could be increased from there. See if the Dr can give you something to help like Xanax.
Hugs!!!!
Heather, Tubs & Rocky too

julie said...

oh Venita...sending big hugs to you my friend...it is ok to break down and cry! sometimes it actually helps to do this...I wish there was something I could do for you..don't ever be afraid to show your feelings..whether you are in public or not!

Alice said...

I take Valium all the time for anxiety. Xanax is faster acting and is great also. If you want to break down and have a good cry than go ahead. We're not in this world to impress anyone. Do what you have to do to get by and the hell with anyone who has a problem with that.

Alice

Cheri said...

Oh No! I'm so sorry Venita. This is such a stressing thing all by itself and then to have to worry about keeping contracts... Ack! Glad you have Xanax now and can get some sleep, you need the recuperative powers of rest. Meltdowns are a stress reliever too so hey, partake! Everybody should be catering to you right now and you shouldn't have to worry over so many things. Really wish I had a magic wand and could just make it better. Hugs. You are in my thoughts everyday. It's going to be okay. Somehow, someway, it IS.